Style & beauty - November 2008

What not to wear

Why is it that Melbourne Cup race day brings out the very best of style and fashion but also multitudes of the very worst??

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Fashion faux pas en masse!

With my list of race-day fashion dos and don'ts carefully checked off, I jauntily headed off to Eagle Farm on Tuesday to witness the fashion spectacle that only Melbourne cup day can produce.

Expectation was high and I had my stylist pen and paper at the ready to compile a long list of 'the best of' fashions for my Style File publication. But alas my excitement quickly turned to style horror as I witnessed some truly dreadful outfits by women and men of every size, shape and age. Albeit at the end of the day my list was short.

Why is it that with the plethora of style information that is available to any man, woman or child that so many are still getting it so wrong?? My stylist heart was heavy.

In part, I blame Brisbane's beautiful warm and sunny weather for the mass fashion crimes committed each year. Let's face it we Brissie women get the opportunity to don a stylish little frock without requiring the layers of extras needed to combat the chill which our southern sisters often contend with. But unfortunately local babes mistake this for an opportunity to bring out their best party frock and bear what seems nearly all.

Where are Susannah and Trinny when you need them.

Those of you familiar with my "What Not To Wear" series published in my Style File will know that I don't pull any punches when it comes to conveying what is taboo in the fashion and style stakes. Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate for bending rules and flying in the face of fashion but there are certain race-wear rules that one must adhere to with stylish strictness.

So what is perfect race-wear etiquette? Here is just one stylish example of a contender for Fashions on the Field. Whoever you were that wore the knee-length floral silk Collette Dinnigan dress with teal silk bag and to-die-for teal silk sandals you are to be applauded. The perfect finishing touch was the little ivory cocktail hat perched delicately on your chic head. Voila!

So what is an example of horror fashions on the field. Here are just a few examples of what I witnessed trackside on Tuesday.

Sequins and Satin: Why oh why do some women think that race day means you can unleash your disco diva side and where a dress that should only be seen in Studio 54? I saw enough sequins to cover the Story Bridge and enough satin to cover Brisbane City Hall. Babes please pass this message around - anything that sparkles and shines is for the nightclub only!

Mini Skirts: Never have so many bottoms been seen by so many. If you know the girl who wore a black satin mini skirt that was so short you could see her undies whilst in a normal standing position, please banish her to a life in fashion purgatory.

Double Whammy: Picture this if you can - backless halter-neck dress (with handkerchief hemline!?), worn with a black bra. The pièce de résistance? The hemline that ended in a triangle at her bottom. So we got to see her bra and her undies - perhaps a stab at the inner wear as outer wear look?

Boobs, Boobs and More Boobs: Did I miss the media alert to say that Hugh Hefner was on a recruitment drive at Eagle Farm? There were more boobs on display than at one of Hugh's New Year's Eve parties. They hung out, up, down and even out the sides. Some young ladies decided to throw in a glimpse of nipple just for fun.

Toilet Doll Look-alikes: Petty coats and full skirts are a summer trend but unfortunately for some this meant dress up as your grandmother's favourite toilet roll holder. Quelle horreur!

Home-made Hats: A favourite bug-bear of mine. With the vast array of hats and fascinators available to suit every budget and style why do some women persist in a DIY hat? Spotlight DIY hat kits should be forever banned.

Shoe Etiquette: Firstly, ladies DON'T wear a stiletto so high that you can't put one foot in front of you without falling over. Secondly, even if you feel like you're standing on razors and your toes are about to fall off never, never, never take your shoes off and carry them in your hands!

Beauty Blunders: Chic and sexy up-do's teamed with polished, understated makeup is right. Neon eye shadow and teased tresses is just plain wrong.

Mutton Dressed as Lamb: Anyone born in the baby boomer generation please leave mini skirts and slip dresses to Generation Y.

I could go on but I think you get the picture.

Happy spring carnival.

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