May 2009

Fortitude and faith

May is a bittersweet month. On one hand, there is Mothers' Day, a beautiful reminder of the precious life that changed mine 5 years ago. On the other, it is Queensland's Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month, entailing a hectic schedule of training sessions and speaking engagements. It's a positive outcome in educating the community, judiciary, schools and corporates; and a negative outcome in having to revisit the trauma I escaped only a few years ago.

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The headaches and the pain down the side of my head are a reminder of the times my ex repeatedly beat me and the visits to the medical centre that followed for treatment. Each time I lift weights at the gym, I am working on strengthening my wrists and arms as the result of numerous sprains from his painful grasp. And then there was the time he threw me out of a moving car after smashing my head on the dashboard and repeatedly punching me in the chest. As I lay in the gutter, he drove around the block and back up onto the sidewalk, attempting to run over both myself and the Good Samaritan who had come to help me. That left me with fractured ribs, bruising, cuts, sprains and numerous other injuries.

I share this with you as I am tired of women thinking they have to keep domestic violence a secret. I am fed up with a judicial system that too often allows the perpetrator to escape punishment. And I am continually disappointed in the ignorance of a large part of our society assuming that victims of domestic and sexual violence exclude educated, articulate and presentable young women.

Violence does not discriminate against race, sex, religion, socio-economic groups, appearance or culture. It can happen to anyone, anywhere and at any time. We must recognise the reality of this risk that faces us each day in our workplace, community and families and encourage victims to seek help and be supported, otherwise we continue to enable the growth of this silent epidemic.

If we know someone is in trouble and needs our help, but we don't do anything about it, we are just as bad as the person perpetrating the violence! I am not recommending you intervene and put your own safety at risk, but perhaps by befriending a neighbour and encouraging them to use your phone to call a support service, or by keeping an "open door policy" at your workplace to enable employees to seek assistance, may be the simple way you can make a difference.

At a recent charity event, I was asked to speak about the times I faced homelessness, seeking refuge in my car with my baby, as the result of my ex partner's violence. This month reminds me how far I have come from being that young girl who lived in fear, in poverty and hunger, whose ex partner took all her money, her confidence and her dreams. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't take away my faith, my yearning for a safer environment, my hope for a better life and my spirit that would lead me out of hell and into a new life full of love, strength, friendship, beautiful people and opportunity.

So in tribute to this month and to all those suffering domestic violence, may you find the strength to end the relationship, the self-love you deserve and the beauty of new dreams, unwavering support, bountiful hope and a life where you truly live free from violence.

DV Connect (QLD's 24hr domestic violence crisis line): 1800 811 811

Rachel Kayrooz Founder & CEO, Shout! Speak Out w www.shoutspeakout.org