May 2008

Holiday happiness

I love holidays. Long lovely trips to overseas locations or simply camping on the sunshine coast. Admittedly all pre-baby. I do however have high intentions that I will maintain my holiday euphoria even laden under the burden of more baby paraphernalia then stocked in some Babies Galore stores.

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There is this strange thing that happens once you have children, your anticipation is high, colossal in fact, when it comes to 'getting away'. However what you rapidly discover is that there are a few discrepancies between what you expect to happen and what will happen.

The mystery of the family holiday is where you realise, and are even somewhat surprised, that perhaps you're relaxing holidays of pre-baby have changed. The small niggly fights over who would get up before 11am to grab the best deckchair are nothing when it comes to who 'holidays' and who 'parents'.

Busy working parents can without pre-preparation turn a holiday into nightmare for the entire family. Potential fun-stoppers can be obvious usually in the aftermath. Who is responsible for the 'maintenance' on your cherished child or children? The divvying up of the parental duties so that you and your partner don't feel like you have swapped your work day for a working holiday.

To avoid a holiday that slides between euphoria and snarling and snapping at each other it's important to set some boundaries for yourself and your partner.

You both deserve a break and discussing who does what and having realistic expectations can assist in returning from a holiday where you are still on speaking terms.

The primary considerations:

Be Realistic: The days of couple holidays are no longer, and with more people to please, your holiday style is going to change. The fantasy that your simply going to be laying by the pool while your perfectly behaved children and dutiful husband accept that you are having 'me time' is simply setting yourself up for guaranteed disappointment.

Compromise: There needs to be a little give as well as take. You, your partner and now your children. Remember, this is a shared decision and so it should be made together.

Prioritise: Consider your options, and prioritise. Discuss the elements of your holiday that really matter to you and your family. Set the boundaries and what you will and won't accept. And then be prepared to sacrifice.

Budget: Define a budget at the beginning. Setting this out front means less chance of disappointment and or arriving at your destination and being cash strapped.

Get Real - just because it's a holiday doesn't mean that each day is going to be blue skies and stress free. Holidays do not change the usual family dynamics or needs - imperfection is not going to disappear - however they can be managed.

• Start at the beginning: Who organises the Holiday. Delegation of duties.
  
  
• Budget. Reduces the 'I don't like it' factor.
  
  
• Expectations: What do you individually and as a family want out of your holiday. If inclusive off in-laws, friends or family are there boundaries or limitations you need to set
  
  
• Plan for relaxation or 'your time'. This also means there is 'his time'.
  
  
• Family time: Not everything needs to be theme parks and rollercoaster's - activities can vary include some 'together' time - ice-cream on the beach - family time to reconnect.
  
  
• Couple time: recharge your relationship.
  
  
• Be flexible, but not a door mat.

Most importantly take charge and communicate what you want your holiday to be. Do not return from your holiday disgruntle and hyping the 'what ifs' or 'I wants'. Agreement is optional, but respect is mandatory.

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Diane Evans is the Managing Director of Fuze Solutions, who delivers Return to Work Seminars for mothers along with other flexibility solutions for individuals and workplaces. She is also the co-author of Mother Who?

Diane Evans Managing Director Fuze Solutions p 02 9918 2168 e info@fuzesolutions.com.au w www.fuzesolutions.com.au