February 2008

Fight or Flight

Handling difficult conversations at work

Communication at work is critical. Giving people positive feedback and keeping them informed is so important in building a happy and productive place to work. What some managers and business owners don't realise is that avoiding difficult conversations and conflict comes at a high cost.

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It's human nature to want to avoid difficult conversations. Faced with the choice of meeting an issue head on or letting it go in the hope that it will miraculously resolve itself, most people opt for flight not fight every time. Unfortunately, the 'head in the sand' approach rarely works and often results in little issues growing with such force that the conversation is held when somebody explodes and any hope of easy resolution is lost. On the contrary, things become a hundred times worse.

These situations tend to consume energy, destroy trust and damage teamwork. In contrast when conversations are handled well, collaboration and productivity are enhanced, morale goes up and better outcomes are achieved. So why do we avoid difficult conversations?

• We convince ourselves that talking about the problem will make it worse
• We don't want to feel bad
• We don't want the other person to feel bad
• We want people to like us
• We might hear something about ourselves that we'd rather not

In many cases, issues at work are a result of unclear expectations. Not only does taking the time to communicate expectations and listen to issues give people the opportunity to learn and change, it's sends a powerful message of strong leadership. So how do you prepare to meet these difficult conversations head-on? Here are some useful tips:

• Remain Calm

Managing your emotions is important. Don't attempt conversations if you feel angry or upset. Managing your emotions will help you to manage rather than react to the emotions of other people.

• Listen

People will be more willing to listen to you if they feel they have had the opportunity to be heard.

• State your position clearly and directly

Be specific and clear on what the issue is and what needs to be resolved. Avoid the tendency to 'sugar coat' things as this becomes confusing and can send mixed messages.

• Don't pre-empt the solution

When you start with a solution to the problem in your mind, it is more difficult to see that there may be another more suitable and creative solution available. Start with identifying the problem and identifying your needs. Try and come up with a number of solutions.

• Listen and try and get to the underlying 'issues'

If you can really understand the other person's perspective  whether you agree with it or not  it can help facilitate a successful resolution.

• Focus on the problem - not the person

It's easier to get to the bottom of the issue when we focus on the problem rather than the person. This tends to take a lot of the emotion out it and dedicate energy to the solution.

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Diane Evans is the Managing Director of Fuze Solutions, who delivers Return to Work Seminars for mothers along with other flexibility solutions for individuals and workplaces. She is also the co-author of Mother Who?

Diane Evans Managing Director Fuze Solutions p 02 9918 2168 e info@fuzesolutions.com.au w www.fuzesolutions.com.au